I do not want to write this post. Because writing this means admitting how bad things have gotten. It means accepting the consequence of years of failing to take care of myself. And I definitely don’t want to admit that to myself, nor do I want to admit it to the entire Internet. But alas, I must. Because this is the reality check I need.

For years, I’ve been hiding behind photographs from the chest up, and shapewear and clothing that flatters the curves I love and draws attention away from the ones I don’t. But it’s finally time to lay it all bare so I can own up to my issues and do something about it. Today, I start the Shaklee 180 weight loss program — a 6-month journey that I am praying will culminate in at least a 40 lb. weight loss. I need to lose more than that, but I’m pacing myself so I can lose the weight at a healthy rate and learn to maintain a healthier lifestyle in the process. So here goes nothing. The obligatory “before” pictures (albeit, with a cute scarf bow in my hair) and my current weight and measurements:

That was truly painful.

But you know what? It was also freeing, because now that I have nothing to hide, I can get on with the business of fixing my health. Because honestly, via a very slow and painful process, I have learned to love myself the way I am. But I also have to be honest enough with myself to admit that the way I am living and eating is neither healthy nor sustainable, and it is a horrible example for my daughter.

I’ve noticed that my daughter has inherited my sweet tooth and desire to eat junk rather than whole foods. And that hurts. So this journey is more about getting healthy and ridding myself of nagging pain in my joints and back by getting rid of the excess weight. It’s about showing my daughter that while you are beautiful, no matter what the scale says, you also have to be sure that you’re not jeopardizing your health in the name of over-inflated self-love. It’s not about getting into a bikini or going on a shopping spree for new clothes — although those would both be great too.

Thanks to Shaklee 180, I have the opportunity to get on a regimen designed to target fat and help retain muscle. For the next 6 months, I’ll have a milkshake or a meal replacement bar for breakfast and lunch, a healthy snack or 2 in between meals, and a healthy, well-balanced dinner. Or at least that’s the plan. So do me a favor: Say a prayer for me on this journey that I may stick with it and that I may discover strength I never knew I had along the way.

Disclosure: I was chosen by Shaklee to be a #Cinchspiration blogger. As a result, I will receive a 6-month supply of Shaklee 180 products to use as I document my journey. As usual, all opinions are authentic and mine. Results and experiences are unique for each person, so results may vary. People following the weight loss portion of Shaklee 180 can expect to lose 1-2 pounds a week.